A Night In The Life Of WH

I had spent the night in a holding cell in Newtown police station. The cops roughed me up some, but then again, maybe I shouldn’t have run my mouth.
“Hey, pig, they’re some ugly fucking shoes, nice to see that you got the face to match.”
Yeah, that one cost me.
It took two of them to throw me into the back of their wagon. I’m not strong, but I can wriggle and I was good and greased up.
“I can’t get hold of him,” said the fat one, gin blossom nose squashed and wet with snot. The fucker was literally drooling in anticipation of getting me in private.
“Hold this, you bastard.” I really need to learn to keep my trousers on in these situations. I guess a normal dude would think ‘I really need to stop getting into these situations,’ but then again, y’all know damn well who I am.
As soon as we got in, I could smell piss. The station was empty but for night clerk or whatever the fuck you call the guy who sits on his ass all night, browsing internet porn, answering phones and drinking coffee.
“Are you going to clean that cell before you put me in?”
They didn’t. Fuckers took my shoes, wallet, rings and belt. Then they found my switch blade. It’s a real nice piece, an antique actually, brass inlaid with gold and a goddamned sharp blade.
“What’s this for?”
“Hey, it’s a dangerous world, dude. Why, just tonight I was jumped by two big fuckers with more gut fat than sense.”
Pow. Right in the mouth.
Eventually, they had to let me go when they dragged in a couple of transvestites who had held up the 7-11 and were raising hell of biblical proportion.
I stumbled home, fuckers hadn’t given me back my shoes, wallet or knife, but at least I had my belt.
I didn’t have my keys, so I climbed through the window and went straight to the fridge, Coopers Green takes the edge off.
After a couple of medicinal whiskey shots, I heard a noise coming from the bedroom. What now?
I walked down the hall and threw the door open.
My man, Slim, fucking my ho!
“Slim, the fuck, man?”
“Hey, WH, a bitch is a bitch.”
“You goddamn right, Slim.”
Later on that day, Slim and me went shoe shopping.


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