‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
Gay Paris were drinking, but not passing out;
The booze was all lined up on the mantle with care,
Cuz eight bitches would soon be ‘ right up in here’;
Slim Pickins was dancing, both poppin’ and locks,
Cuz Slim is a B-Boy that loves to up-rock;
And with his bandanna on under his hat,
WH busted, the illest of raps,
Then from the kitchen, there came a great clatter
Smokin’ D emerged with a gourmet style platter.
“Quiet down, you bastards,” cried out Blacktooth,
“I’m watching Christmas Vacation, National Lampoons!”
The hos all arrived and exposed their large breasts
Belly shots of whiskey are what happened next,
And every one laughed and they drank and they ate,
Even Miss BZ, who showed up so late,
Driving a Benz right through the window,
With K. ‘Whoremouth’ Conroy and some powder like snow ,
Oh what a Christmas, Oh Lord, what a ruckus!,
They chanted ‘Wu-Tang ain’t nothin’ to fuck wit!’ ;
“Now, Hot Dick! Now, Slim! now, Blacktooth, WH!
When you throw a party we know they’ll be great!”
To the top it all of, they paid for the whores!
And drove away quickly, distracting the cops,
Who had recently received, an anonymous tip,
Most likely the Snowdroppers, who felt they’d been dissed,
Gay Paris though, had sent invitations,
Intercepted by Tenderloins, who had trepidations,
Of partaking in pleasures that veer to excess
They kept them at home, tucked up in their beds.
GP raised their glasses and drank it all down,
When down their Chimney came a wonderful sound.
Dressed like the 20s had never quite finished,
The ‘droppers arrived crying ‘Yo! Now we up in this!’;
A bundle of booze was strapped to their backs,
And Cougar and London were so high on crack!
Johnny and Pauly, were tell tale gin drinkers;
Their noses so pink, like prostitute nipples!
The guys partied down with their hookers and blow,
With beer, wine and spirits, did I mention the hos?
They all got crunk and down like South West,
Slim battled Cougar and came out the best;
Johnny and WH talked of some books,
But in between notes, they did bourbon shots.
Blacktooth and Pauly were so busy riffing,
They never realised the fun they were missing!
London and Hot Dick were mixing bad drinks,
And drinking them down before they could think;
Then God appeared and spoke of his works,
But WH said, “bitch, I’ll battle you, jerk”;
And running his hand up the face of a ho,
He smote God with fury and the dopest of flows;
YHWH, Adonai, Jehovah and Christ,
You created the world? Nah, but what what about science?
The Devil appeared and tried to make nice,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night.”