Velvet Hammer – The Mardi Gras Alternative (for the sleazy and greasy).

Easy peasy, greased up and sleazy!

FACEBOOK EVENT – so your friends know how rad you are!
TICKETS

CHOPFEST IV

Like we don’t love playing The Annandale with Totes Unicorn!

MOTHERFUCK

TICKETS

Facebook Event!

God God Moustache Rack It!

By David Waldie.

Kung-Fu Boobs Award – BZ forever!

Since we started the best band in the world a couple of years ago, we’ve gone through a lot of shit, good and bad, some remembered and some mercifully hidden in the depths of a short term memory loss caused by alcohol (and possibly meth). We’ve toured the country, made friends, lost money, made enemies, stolen The Snowdroppers’ rider on countless occasions, changed drummers, almost been sued by the Wu-Tang clan and all kinds of other weird miscellanea that I don’t have time to go into the minutia of right now.
What we need to focus on is that BZ has always been there for us – whether hustling to get us extra money, beer, money for beers or just making sure that we’re happy at home, a band of terrible men (but fabulous performers) couldn’t have asked to be in better hands (and her rack only sweetened the deal!).
Now that she has been called away to fight the Religious Right back in the US, I can only say that I’m praying to the almighty, The Great Grizzler In The Sky, Sweet Honey Thief and Winter Sleep Dude, Bear God that she stay safe and return to us when she can.
We love that woman more than I can properly express, what with thrusting and pouring booze on my junk being my two main forms of communication.

Now, as a last act of greatness before she donned her dweomered jet pack and probably some kind of heavily ensorcelled artillery, BZ managed to enslave one Jono Barwick and bend him to her will.
So, from now on, contact him at fullplateartists@gmail.com if you need to deal with us in any kind of professional capacity.
I sure hope that he knows what the fuck he is doing.

What’s beef, brother?

HOUSE FIRE HOUSE PARTY TOUR

HOUSE FIRE PARTY TOUR

Party Barbarians from the distant past!

We’ll Burn This City To The Ground

You’ve loved us from afar. Maybe you’ve hugged us after a show. Maybe you’ve even seen us at the pub and we’ve tried to get you to buy us drinks with varying degrees of success.

Now it’s time to up the ante.

It’s time for Gay Paris to give back.

But you have to throw a party.

Only by a never ending party can Gay Paris exist.

Want to be part of a savage run through decadence and excess not seen since Caligula flooded the coliseum?

All you need is a space large enough to hold us and your buddies as we ruin your neighbour’s chances of having a nice, quiet weekend.

We supply the PA, amps, drums and genuinely disturbing/amazing stage show and possibly a bunch of hangovers/hangers on from whatever party we played before – that’s right, we’ll be doing this all day long. Well, at least for 10 hours or so.

Sets will take place at 1:30pm, 3pm, 4:30pm, 6pm, 7:30pm, 9pm and 10:30pm, giving us time to flee the scene of our previous travesty against decency and set up at your place. Pick a time, go on, we dare you, we’ll be in and set up in 15 minutes with the help of our road crew of miscreants, play a 20 minute set and be gone before any noise complaints can garner a response from the po po- and hey, if you’re the host, you can even influence our set list, so what do you wanna hear? The old shit? The new shit? That awesome song by the Wu-Tang Clan? You got it, good buddy.

Hell, theme your parties, we’ll have so many costume changes that Lady Gaga will look like Slim Pickins (yeah, I’m callin’ him out – buy some more clothes, dude).

As alluded to before, we’ll have a party bus piloted by our good buddy, Crisis The Corncob Clown taking anyone debauched enough to do this more than once in a day from one location to the next. If you have the stamina, we provide the driver. He will get a touch weird once the sun goes down though, so be warned.

House fires all round. Get at us.

gayparismusic@gmail.com

Black Cherry NYE – The Ultimate Gay Party!

That’s right, you sweet bastards, SOBs, dirty ladies, goths (and reformed goths), men of low moral character, possible werewolves, educated dandies, high functioning alcoholics, smut lovers, pirates, swingers, sexy librarians, clergymen, fashion conscious punks, NBA players, tiger trainers, stoned botanists, rap dudes, history buffs and everyone else, we’re playing Black Cherry NYE at the Factory Theater in Marrickville.
Bring us party favours and booze money. We’ll provide an unrelenting tide of sleaze and rock n’ roll.

Party Like It's 2999!

TICKETS HERE!
FACEBOOK EVENT

Phone dump and general abuse

It sure has been a while since I posted anything here, so I have some information for you.
* We definitely only hit the kangaroo on the tail.
* Beach parties are fun.
* We’ve got 3 weeks off.
* Granddad is getting married.
* Blacktooth had pneumonia.
* Slim doesn’t give a fuck (as long as there is beer).
* We’re easily the best band in the country.
* Port Macquarie knows how to party, likewise Valla.
* You should never spend more than 9 dollars on eggs and toast.
* We’re broke, so buy us food, booze and clothes.
* Next gig is in Katoomba.

Bearded Immortals Photo Diary – part 4

It’s over. We hit Melbourne, Hobart, Toowoomba, Brisbane, Sydney, Canberra, Wollongong and Adelaide and bestowed immortality on all bearded people – and in 9 months or so, there will likely be a rash of bearded babies being born too. Treat them well, ye harlots.

Bearded Immortals Photo Diary – part 3

So this week took us to Melbourne (complete with hot sluts and arrogant jerks) and Hobart (no goths, I’m afraid).
I managed to lose my trousers and green bandanna and Slim proved once again that he is terrible at freestyling.
Enjoy these photos to the point of orgasm, friends. Just Adelaide left.
See you in hell.